A Meditational Poem: For Four
This poem reminds me of my daily meditation that I do, as my meditation consists of breathing exercising where you "breathe in for four", "hold for four" and "breathe out for four", or breathe out for longer depending on which meditation I am listening to that day. I wasn't meditating when I wrote this third poem, but I was having racing thoughts that I was trying to set aside in that moment. Since I have discovered this "subconscious writing" I find that if I am attempting to push my thoughts to the side, that it is bound to transform in to words that are desperately trying to come out. So instead of pushing my thoughts to the side, I write these pretty amazing poems in the matter of a few minutes and can go on with my day.
Something that I continuously struggle with in my journey is not going in to "fight or flight" mode. Fight or flight response is a physiological reaction that occurs in response to a perceived harmful event. For anyone that has experienced any childhood trauma, this is something that we had to do to survive. However, we are no longer needing that survival mode as much, and a "perceived harmful event" can be anything from someone critiquing your work at your job, or your spouse making a salad in the kitchen while you are also in the kitchen. Either of these scenarios can "trigger" you in to fight or flight mode.
You might be laughing to yourself at the example of your spouse making a salad while you are in the kitchen is far from a threat, but when you have childhood trauma, anything can throw you in to fight or flight mode. Whether it be the smell of the ranch dressing, or your request to not be in the kitchen while you are in the kitchen, or you might not even know what triggered that response.
A lot of what I personally work on is reminding myself that I no longer need this fight or flight response. As a child, we do whatever is necessary for survival. We are in this constant survival mode, scanning our surroundings, and decoding whether something is safe or dangerous. It is amazing what our young minds can do to keep us safe. This poem is my subconscious putting words to what it is like to go to war with yourself and using meditation to put some space between your thoughts and your reaction.
For Four
By: Susan Evans
Racing thoughts
Breathe in for four
Hold for four
Out for four
My chest begins to tighten
My world is closing in
I am preparing for a battle
A soldier ready to fight
I tip toe through a minefield
My body on high alert
I try to be careful, as
My fate cannot escape
Just when I think it is over
I made it thus far
I hear the sound of an explosion
And catches me off guard
The world is in slow motion
I am frozen in time
Aware of the sounds around me
Though I am deaf ears and blind eyes
What is even happening?
Why did I sign up for this?
I envisioned myself a hero
But a fallen soldier I have become
Racing thoughts
Breathe in for four
Hold for four
Breathe out for four
Life can be a whirlwind
You cannot always be in control
Battling is no longer necessary
A peace treaty can be made
A soldier carries a lot of weight
Baggage he cannot put down
Not unless he is safe
Away from the battle ground
He may have fought many wars
Memories he cannot escape
But those wounds can be healed
Conquered and overcome
You can no longer be drafted
To a battle you do not want to fight
You may live in peace and harmony
If only you can persevere
A calm mind sets you free
Breathe in for four
Hold for four
Breathe out for four