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A Meditational Poem: For Four

This poem reminds me of my daily meditation that I do, as my meditation consists of breathing exercising where you "breathe in for four", "hold for four" and "breathe out for four", or breathe out for longer depending on which meditation I am listening to that day. I wasn't meditating when I wrote this third poem, but I was having racing thoughts that I was trying to set aside in that moment. Since I have discovered this "subconscious writing" I find that if I am attempting to push my thoughts to the side, that it is bound to transform in to words that are desperately trying to come out. So instead of pushing my thoughts to the side, I write these pretty amazing poems in the matter of a few minutes and can go on with my day.

Something that I continuously struggle with in my journey is not going in to "fight or flight" mode. Fight or flight response is a physiological reaction that occurs in response to a perceived harmful event. For anyone that has experienced any childhood trauma, this is something that we had to do to survive. However, we are no longer needing that survival mode as much, and a "perceived harmful event" can be anything from someone critiquing your work at your job, or your spouse making a salad in the kitchen while you are also in the kitchen. Either of these scenarios can "trigger" you in to fight or flight mode.

You might be laughing to yourself at the example of your spouse making a salad while you are in the kitchen is far from a threat, but when you have childhood trauma, anything can throw you in to fight or flight mode. Whether it be the smell of the ranch dressing, or your request to not be in the kitchen while you are in the kitchen, or you might not even know what triggered that response.

A lot of what I personally work on is reminding myself that I no longer need this fight or flight response. As a child, we do whatever is necessary for survival. We are in this constant survival mode, scanning our surroundings, and decoding whether something is safe or dangerous. It is amazing what our young minds can do to keep us safe. This poem is my subconscious putting words to what it is like to go to war with yourself and using meditation to put some space between your thoughts and your reaction.


For Four

By: Susan Evans

Racing thoughts

Breathe in for four

Hold for four

Out for four

My chest begins to tighten

My world is closing in

I am preparing for a battle

A soldier ready to fight

I tip toe through a minefield

My body on high alert

I try to be careful, as

My fate cannot escape

Just when I think it is over

I made it thus far

I hear the sound of an explosion

And catches me off guard

The world is in slow motion

I am frozen in time

Aware of the sounds around me

Though I am deaf ears and blind eyes

What is even happening?

Why did I sign up for this?

I envisioned myself a hero

But a fallen soldier I have become

Racing thoughts

Breathe in for four

Hold for four

Breathe out for four

Life can be a whirlwind

You cannot always be in control

Battling is no longer necessary

A peace treaty can be made

A soldier carries a lot of weight

Baggage he cannot put down

Not unless he is safe

Away from the battle ground

He may have fought many wars

Memories he cannot escape

But those wounds can be healed

Conquered and overcome

You can no longer be drafted

To a battle you do not want to fight

You may live in peace and harmony

If only you can persevere

A calm mind sets you free

Breathe in for four

Hold for four

Breathe out for four