Poem: When A Star becomes a Black Hole

This particular poem is the second poem that I wrote and probably the hardest one to share. I wrote this the day after I wrote the first poem, The Tide. I was intrigued by what I would write if I just allowed myself to type out the words. The first poem, The Tide, the words came so fast to me that I didn't even realize I was writing a poem at first. I was about halfway through writing it before I even realized that it should be in a poem format.

This second poem came to me a bit differently than the first poem. I didn't sleep that well the night before because I was sad over my cousins recent passing. His passing was unexpected and I was having a difficult time accepting his death and even more so, understanding how this could of even happened. My cousin was two and a half years older than I am and just so much fun to be around. I have so many happy memories of him and I throughout childhood and young adulthood. After I moved away from the hometown where I grew up, we didn't see each other as much and spoke infrequently. The times that I did talk to him over the last several years, even though I could tell he was deeply sad, he was still trying to make me laugh.

I never expected that I would never be able to see him again. After his death, I was faced with the reality that I once took for granted. I had this expectation that when I came to visit family that I would be able to do so whenever my schedule allowed, and besides everyone appearing slightly older, that everything would be the same, as if little time has passed. With my cousins passing, I discovered that anything can happen and how important it is to nourish those relationships.

For this poem, it was as if my subconscious was trying to explain to me why my cousin was no longer here on earth. I was on my way to work, tears starting to stream down my cheeks, asking in my head "why?" that the words started to come to me. For anyone that knows me, science was my worst subject in school, so when the poem was finished, the first thing I did was fact check the writing. LOL I am not sure where exactly the analogies came from and I probably will never know, but it appears that at least for the most part that my subconscious must remember something that I learned in science.

This poem is my favorite poem that has come to me so far. When I read it the first time after writing it, I felt a sense of coldness, like a deep chill of emotion. I hope you enjoy reading this poem and if you personally knew my cousin, Matt Ragan, that this poem brings some healing to you.

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When A Star becomes a Black Home

By: Susan Evans

In Loving Memory of Matthew Ragan

I was a massive star

So bright

You were blinded by my light

My black hole was self-created

When my star was so large it caved in

When I fell, I fell hard

My thoughts and wounds mangled within

I fell into this black hole

I could not see a way out

Traveling down an endless path, by

A gravitational force I could not resist

I was pulled in every direction

Against my will and conscious thought

It was not my intention,

I kept looking for a way out

The darkness surrounded me

Causing my molecular cloud to collapse

I just could not be saved

When I was being pulled from the inside out

I am no longer being pulled through this tunnel

My physical presence was put to rest

My existence has split in to two

Both being able to coexist

My mind and body are an energy field

We may be separated by physical space, but

Mysteriously connected in this entangled web

My energy is now divided

I no longer weigh you down

You can be at peace knowing

That I am all around

This may seem nonsensical

An infuriating conundrum that cannot be solved

But I am here because I have evolved

The laws of quantum physics are broken

The unexplainable cannot be explained

My reach has no limits

I am no longer bound by my constraints

My heart and mind are free from suffering

Allowing Spiritual powers to gather strength

When you can remove self-centeredness

I will become your happiest thought

I and you cannot exist

If you want happiness to fill your heart

I once held on to my limiting beliefs

Which just made my suffering grow

Suffering only leaves when you learn to let go

The black hole is one I created

It has no gravitational pull; to pull you in

What I lacked is mindfulness

My thinking mind always jumped in

I now rest in complete stillness

Now that my suffering has dissolved

It was wisdom that I was lacking

Being hung up on the past

Change occurs at every level

Creating this illusion that you are not in control

It is only when you cannot accept the reality, that

A star becomes a black hole